I am writing this post partly for the sake of others – but also for my own sake, to clear things up a bit, because at the moment I have reason to coach a person in this particular area of leadership. Because there are so many people who dislike the word itself, I thought I would continue my project to be clear about what leadership means to me. How you interpret that is entirely up to you.

To my knowledge There are few words that are so disliked in the dog world as leadership. I think it's a shame, because it can be a very beautiful word. This post will be about how I see it, and some of the aspects I think are super important when it comes to leadership towards dogs. We can address the question of whether there is a difference between a dog and a dog in another post (again!).

A lot of what I will write about can probably be perceived as a bit vague. Because we are not used to communicating the way dogs do, so it can sound very abstract and be difficult to grasp. I'll do my best to be clear – and hopefully a little clearer than I usually try to be.

Conscious presence

If you are like me, then you have as much difficulty being here and now as I do. My thoughts often wander sooner or later. Dogs live in the here and now. Of course they have a memory – they remember that they learned things and they remember who belongs to their pack. But they are quite uninterested in what happened the day before yesterday, and what will happen next week.

It makes that it is a little extra important for us to try to be more here and now. Not to go brooding over how the dog behaved last month on a walk, and whether it will happen again today or tomorrow or next week. We are here and now, together with our dog. We can do no more than react and act on what is happening right now.

Easier said than done done, dock – I'm the first to admit it.

balance

That with balance can be tricky. When I talk about balance, I mean emotional balance. To stay within a relatively narrow frame of emotions. Not that we should get emotional – that's not what I'm talking about. Rather, so that we have to work on not losing our temper, to not necessarily always be exuberantly happy, but not to let our emotions get the better of us. I'm not always good at that myself – when I'm tired, for example, I have extremely short patience and get easily irritated and angry.

But the more balanced we ourselves are, the easier it is to have control over your dog. And I truly believe that both humans and dogs are at their best when we are in emotional balance. Certainly, it is extremely enjoyable to be so ridiculously happy – but it is also a stress. Both dogs and humans make mistakes when we are stressed, we become more reactive, it becomes easier to lose control of our emotions – and then we act on them.

So bet on your own balance, then both you and your dog will feel significantly better.

Intention and expectation

Since I lost Ella, I have been a dog sitter and daycare provider for several dogs. I am far from a professional, but I have learned a lot (and Ella was my first and best teacher). Among other things, I have learned that if I expect the dogs I have in front of me right now to behave in a certain way, then the probability that they actually do it increases by a huge percentage. This applies regardless of what I expect. Should I go out with my dog and expect there to be wear and tear on the leash, lashing out at other dogs, that the hunting instinct kicks in when we see hares, cats or birds (or cars!), so it will be. If instead I expect it to be a calm and pleasant walk, is the probability that it will be that much, much bigger.

Of course the dog needs it learn to walk nicely on a leash – I don't say anything about that. You can do it on many, many ways, and I don't necessarily think one is better or worse than the other.

Then we have that with intention, what intention we have in the contact with our dog. Dogs are like children and men – clarity is what makes the biggest difference. I'm sure your dog likes to hear your voice, but I don't think it necessarily understands if you engage in serious conversation with it. Have a clear intention, and be ten times as clear in your communication with the dog. Intention is direction and purposefulness, and it is something that is reflected in the way you behave around your dog.

Body language

Learn how dogs use their bodies to communicate with each other – and then imitate them. I don't mean to wag your tail you don't have, or fold the ears in a particular direction. We don't have the same physique, thus we cannot use our bodies in the same way.

But there is some things we can actually do. Look at a dog that puffs itself up to portray itself as big and fierce, and see how other dogs react. Can you do in a similar way, for example, if you think your dog is too clingy and you want a little more space?

Testa, and see if it gives results. If not – try something else. Also try to be quiet in communication with your dog for a whole day, just to see how your communication looks then.

Self-confidence and self-image

This has with several things to do. Partly it has to do with how we see ourselves. Do we see ourselves as good and sensible people, or do we have brain ghosts that set it up for us? Do we take ourselves seriously, can we trust ourselves?

If not – how then can we expect our dogs to take us seriously and trust us?

But it has also with the ability to stand up for oneself. Dare to demand our own space, to dare to set limits, to dare to ask things of our dogs without necessarily or automatically giving a reward.

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This is some of the things that go into what I call leadership. As you can see, violence is not included. Violence has nothing to do with leadership. Unlike those who insist on only working with positive reinforcement, I believe that firm handling can sometimes be needed – but it is not a goal to do so. This is also where the difference between dog and dog comes in – some dogs require different handling than others, and it goes both ways.

To lead his dog is not about being a dictator, to always be right, to force your dog and/or be violent. Leading your dog is about being clear in your communication, and to adjust the communication so that the dog actually understands – preferably without having to learn that meaning first.

Then we have all had, or will have, puppies and young dogs who have not learned communication yet – and it really is a challenge. I am no more than human myself, and the frustration has sometimes reached limits I didn't think were possible. So I'm far from perfect – it was that thing about patience and how easily irritated I can be sometimes.

But all me have described here above is, at least in my opinion, so incredibly much more important than all the dog training in the world. Without being able to reach the dog, without the dog taking us seriously (and I still mean without violence), then any training is totally irrelevant.

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My very first tips are about investing in that thing with balance. A dog that does not rise to a stress level so that it becomes uncontactable and also reactive, is much nicer to deal with, than one who reacts to everything, regardless of whether it is included “happiness”, aggression or something else.

Not to take assuming the leadership role in the relationship with your dog is not pretty. A dog that has too much freedom does not feel well. I really believe it is. And since we are the ones who choose to have a dog in our life, it is our responsibility to ensure that the dog is balanced. All dogs probably have their own wacky ideas – nobody is perfect. But there is a huge difference in having wacky ideas of your own, and living in imbalance. It's almost impossible to compare.

So I say as Alexandra on Dogs of Pegasus – against balance! ♥