I mostly share memories and various memes on Facebook. It often happens, for obvious reasons, up pictures of Ella (and Boyo, numer). Some images are like a punch in the stomach – for real. My Ella had and was quite something, very particular. We were quite something, especially together.
It's the look who do it. I get a picture of Ella, and her gaze bore straight into my soul. To look into her eyes was to open a direct path between her soul and mine. She was also greedy, I have written before that you adapt fairly quickly to new circumstances, so she went straight into my soul and took over.
All dogs is not so. I feel very privileged to have such a dog. One that despite the fact that we were so different in every possible way, yet had a relationship that was beyond anything else.
And despite that she has been gone for almost three years, so these pictures of her are like seeing right into her soul. Then she is not gone. At least not her soul – it is out there, and I can reach her.
Today it was this picture. She's shitty in general – it must have been right at the end of a shedding, and it's been quite a while (2014). But the look. It got right into the heart and soul, and I couldn't stop looking right into her eyes. She kind of sucked herself in, straight through all the mists of time, distance, non-life (I still can't say it right).
My Ella.
Hell, how i miss you.
The only gratifying thing is that you are out there somewhere, and that we will meet again. Days like this, when the loss hits so ridiculously hard, is that truth the only thing that makes it feel a little, a little better. Our journey is not over – just different.
And yes, I'm crying like a baby right now.
#mourning work #minella #memorylane
