I am actually allergic to both dogs and cats – mainly cat. My personal belief is that my allergy is based on my fear that “commit” because after all, animals don't live as long as we do – thus they leave us long before it is time for us to die ourselves. This is the main reason I didn't want animals when I was younger.
Another way to see it is that as soon as we bring an animal into our lives we start the countdown to the day they leave us again. It's not a very fun way to look at it, but there is a way. If nothing else, it reminds us that nothing lasts forever, and that we should take care of the relationships we have as long as we actually have them.
With that said; let’s move on.
The 4 March was Ella ten years old. Given her C hips and moderate elbow pads, I had a pretty good idea she wouldn't make it past seven, and now I have had the luxury of having her in my life for several more years. But it is noticeable that she is old.
What is strange to have a dog like Ella, now that she is old, is that she behaves as I think normal dogs do when fairly young. She still has her high energy, but it is subdued with age, as well as her tremendous intensity. I think it's only me and possibly a very few other people who know her, who can see that she is old.
One of the ways I notice it on are of course her joints. It started showing up maybe three years ago or so – she stepped crookedly on a rock in the forest and limped for a couple of weeks. After that she started limping on and off regularly and we had to adjust the length of the walks quite drastically. Now her lameness is chronic despite painkillers, and it's so unbelievably sad to see her struggle through life. When we're outside, however, it's more limp and not as much throbbing as indoors.
Primarily I can say that Ella has been an incredibly healthy dog. She has been sick once in her life – she got kennel cough when she was about a year old, but with a little Bisolvon it went away in a couple of weeks or so. The rest of the time, the worst thing that has happened is that she has been a little sick to her stomach in connection with running – otherwise she has been healthy as a nut.
But since New Year we have had a couple of incidents where she almost scared the life out of me. The first thing that happened was that she gave me that feeling of knowing that it's almost time. The one that so many people talk about, that all of a sudden you just know. The feeling she gave me was that she would leave me within six months – and yes, that was the time perspective I felt she gave me.
It shouldn't surprise that I spent quite a lot of time for several days being completely broken and crying my eyes out.
A couple of weeks after this Ella got the first urinary tract infection of her life. Lucky for me it was snowing so I discovered she was peeing blood. Unfortunately for me, I am a disabled pensioner with an extremely limited amount of money – but we got help so we could go to the vet and get antibiotics and pain pills.
Maybe six weeks after that she was scaring the life out of me. The weekend before my birthday, my dog was in so much pain that she could barely walk. And I really mean it; she could barely stand on her feet. I had to call a friend and tell her to take a look at Ella from a distance. The only thing she got out was – wow. That doesn't look good. And when we met outside the gate, Ella wasn't even happy – she who always gets so ridiculous, extremely overjoyed when she meets people she likes.
I thought that I would have to remove her then. So urgent, as well as. Men – I had pain pills left since the urinary tract infection, and the fact is that it helped. Considering my finances, I had to ask for help so we could go to the vet again, a couple of days later – and then we got the same painkillers as before. Unfortunately, we also found out that Ella has at least two probable mammary tumors, one of which is possibly malignant. No samples were taken, partly because I can't afford it, partly because I think she is too old for surgery (although I know there are those who operate on bitches older than Ella). It's nothing I want to put her through.
So – i have one old dog who has pain in his back and in his legs and also has udder tumors (I intend to proceed from that, because I usually feel where the vet said they are, and know a couple, three grape-sized tubers inside). But she doesn't care much about these ailments of age, but think that life is fun to live anyway. And as long as she's having fun, so be it.
It was a lot about manager, aches and the like – but it is also noticeable that she is old because she has so little energy compared to when she was younger. Now this says very little, because she has such high energy and intensity – which is one of the reasons why it can be difficult for the person we pass on the walk to believe that she is as old as she is.
My biggest problem right now is the uncertainty and the wait. The deadline she set last winter is fast approaching – but right now she shows no signs of wanting to leave me. And if there's one thing I really think is hard work, it's not knowing, and to wait.