It is easy to believe that I am the only one here at home that grieves, But that is not actually. Before, it was incredibly hard to know how something would be. How it would feel. How it would be. Not to mention how hard it was to imagine how the cats would take it.
I have two black ones, completely ordinary domestic cats – Zoe and Molly. Zoe is a stray cat; she was found ten years ago somewhere between E4:an and the railway in Sundbyberg. No owner found, and I was asked if I wanted to be on call. I had just two weeks earlier lost the first cat I had since she was a kitten, Saga, and had absolutely no desire to bring home a cat for any purpose whatsoever – But then it was.
Zoe is the one cat that took up the most space, beside Ella. She has spent her whole life walking, back and forth, and also roar. Not run-roar, but only roar. Much like singing opera, fixed in a cat-like manner. Not entirely enjoyable, if I may be just a little picky (and I get that, because it's my blog).
When she doesn't walks or roars, she is a foot fetishist and likes to spend time making out with my toes and feet in the dock. Or bar gas. Or lick my hands and arms thoroughly. She's funny that way, Zoe. In addition, she is very social when people come here.
Also called Zoe for the Meatball, The little sock, Mattes Madame, Muppet and a lot of other things.
Molly and others side is the most reserved cat. She doesn't necessarily like to be petted if she doesn't want to. She thinks it sucks to be lifted up and hugged. Kissed on the nose, we won't even talk about – it's so disgusting that she almost dies in the coup. Kissed on the ears is perfectly fine, However. When she wants to, however, she is the cutest kitty in the world.
And Molly, she certainly has the absolute cutest front legs and front paws in the world. Her front legs are so damn cute I'm slapping her. Not to mention the front paws. And it is so insanely cuddly to put your finger in the middle of the front paw, when she sort of curls her paw around my fingertip. Sort of like claws around my finger.
Molly is called also for (To)The crumb, muppkiss, the princess on the pea, little heart – and a lot of other things, She with.
Ella has wonders all his life he has been the one who took up the most space among the animals here at home. Now she is gone, and the space and silence after her is undeniable – overwhelming. It kind of echoes here at home when she's not here.
And it shows on the cats. I'm actually most worried about Zoe, just no. Molly has taken a step forward and is taking on a little more, and she will surely take up more space as time goes on. I more or less expected that. Men Zoe. She has taken many steps backwards. She doesn't walk. She roars (hehum, sings opera) not. She mostly lies on the balcony and alone – lies. It's really not like her, and I can't help but feel a little worried.
Add this that she as usual love to lie in the arms and cuddle, wash me, spin, stomp and claw, don't want to cuddle now at all. Really not at all. If I pick her up, she stands out for maybe (max!) ten seconds, then she jumps down. In addition, she has been very upset when Karma, or the polar mixture Egon, been here.
This too Zoe and her performance have been getting stronger and stronger over the past few days. If I should listen to what my feeling says, so I'm starting to wonder if she even wants to be around anymore. Like really, as well as. It's awful, because I don't know if I can manage to lose another one so close.
I'm on one and at the same time surprised and not surprised by this. I was quite convinced that the little girls would react in one way or another. But quite honestly, I rather thought they would dance on the tables in reindeer, very happy to be able to shit in peace, not to be washed in the ass by the disgusting dog, not to be chased after and played with in a dog-like manner, and so on.
I don't know at all how I should think about this. I'm not worried about Molly at all. In my estimation, she pulls this off gallantly. But as said where; Zoe. Her is me, just at the moment, actually worried about.
It feels not good at all.