I still can't believe she's not here with me. In three months I will have been without her for two years. Two whole years. Today she would have turned one 12, min so much. My high energy, to the skitdry, excessively positive and life-loving dog who became best friends with anyone who even glanced in her direction.
I have had a bad day today. Nowadays, I'm not really used to it. I have been spoiled by being fairly stable in my bipolar disorder, so it is particularly noticeable when something is not as it should be. And I've been sad today. Aside from being out with Boyo, I haven't gotten a single sensible thing done today, even though I had plans to sew.
I miss mine dog. I wish Ella and Boyo had been allowed to hang out. Ella didn't work with very many dogs, but I'm absolutely convinced that she and Boyo would have worked great together, even though they are quite different in temperament and energy. And shit, what she would have judged of him, he wouldn't have gotten an awl in the air, kraken.
I'm sorry. I have cried. And maybe it's lucky that Ella wasn't here then, because she didn't like it when I sneezed, coughed a lot – or cried. Then she went to the front door and wanted out.
Boyo is different. I'm not spoiled by that either. It's not the first time I've felt sorry for Ella when he's been here, but today was probably the first time he actually heard that I was sorry. And unlike Ella, he came to comfort me. It was a very different experience, compared to what I'm used to. With Ella, I always had to try hard to keep my crying under strict control so she wouldn't have a psychotic break.
I miss mine demanding, extremely present Ella so right into the bed. And if anyone thinks I'm crazy for still grieving her after almost two years, may it stand for you or yours. I intend to mourn my dog just as much as I want. In addition, I intend to be grateful that I got to have the world's coolest dog in my life for ten years. Not everyone is lucky enough to have an Ella in their lives.
Be a fan, She, how your mother misses you.