I am one of those who believe that the only thing that happens when you die is that you change form. Namely; you don't really disappear, one only changes form and state. The body we have during our lives is just a vehicle we use just to live through.
The shape we reclaim when we die is pure energy. As I have written about before, is energy something we can feel. Just think when we sense a specific person entering a room – it is not uncommon to know who it is, even if you don't see the person in question.
Ella was here yesterday. I first noticed it when I was walking home from Ica – went and picked up a package with a sound card for my new one(old) adopted computer. As I descended the stairwell, I again noted how extremely strange it is to go out without Ella.
On the way home I felt she was there. I could almost see her where she walked, something steps in front of me like she usually does.
When I went and lay down it was even clearer that she was here. For the first time I really cried, really properly. She was so clear in feeling. I don't know how to describe the feeling other than that it was a special pressure against the skin. A print I associate only with her. Hon feels in a certain way, like no one else does.
It feels like that something has shifted in me. So far I have spent most of my time distracting myself, to avoid taking everything in at once. But now I think I'm starting to let in a bit more. Maybe now is when the real grieving process starts.
I do not know.